Chapter
for the wind-carried ode,
though my voice is yet unheard
Darkness. Thatโs the first thing I remember. Then the cold, wet and heavyโuntil it melts unto me like a new kind of skin. Then thereโs the moon, its bright light falling down to grant me a name. Jack Frost. And for the long, longest time, it had been my only solace in the world whilst I, the stagnant resident, was.
The passage of time means little to me. Any tether I may have had to death is instead intertwined with withering upon my touch. And though my body has remained the same for as long as I have been alive, remembrance does not come as easily to me as it used to be with the years continuing to pass. Iโm sorry, I wish I were better at holding on. But Iโll do what I can to trace the roots of my memories.
What you need to know is that magic and myths still swirl all around meโus. Beneath each dismissable pebble, between the branches where skies filter through, bordering the sight of ordinary hearts, our stories are vast across the world. There are faeries, giants, mermaids, centaursโand Iโve met Saint Nicholas, The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny and The Sandman too. All more than the confines of their storybooks, yet the fantasies of their folklore are true. I only wish you were here with me to see them all because I know youโd map each of us to memory. Though by now, many of them have withdrawn to the crevices of earth and sky, found only in the nooks of imagination. I know you would have believed in them, like how you saw meโsometimes even seeing through me and my guise.
Then thereโs me, of course. The moon brought me here, adrift. No one could see me, and the few who were able to werenโt always eager to befriend me when they saw what I was capable of. Terrible winter. Raging snowstorms. In me is the pulse of frost and cold, untamed and calling for release. You met me in the years I had been granted another name that I beloathedโJokul Frosti, one who nurtures hedgerows of sharpened ice, of hurt. No matter how much I wished it was known that I had only good intentions, the will of winter in my ribcage is a force of its own reckoning. I am its body, and it is my unfortunate implement. And yet Iโve never found myself resenting the cold even after all this time. It is my misunderstood companion and a magic that I decide to mold. Magic thatโs meant to be shared in joy. So I brought snow days; gentle flurries that dance around snowball fights and sledding and anything under the sun ( ha, moon, maybe? ).
I have never resented the cold, even when Iโd later find that it is why I had died. Youโll be glad to hear that Iโve found parts of myself now, and it comes to me bit by bit. Maybe itโs why the space of my new memories contend with the ones of a past life. Exhausting as it sounds now, you would have known me as Jarpr Thorne back then. Another name, I know. I can imagine the laugh creasing your eyes with the endless aliases following me, but stay with me now.
Do you remember the deep and quiet rumble of a man in the warm haze of my mind? Or maybe the lullaby that Iโd sing to you because of a womanโs voice that I did not recall? And there was my sister too, bright eyed and a bite-sized form of mischief, because of me. Iโhave recollections of them, distantly. My family returns to me like mementos scattered across my heart, but the memory they hold sift through my grasp. But the one thread I have that plays crystal clear is the day I died: winter thawing to spring, the sketch left by my sisterโs skates on the ice, the deafening crack when she veered too far to the center, and how all my senses when dull when I used all my strength to fling her away from the lake.
I donโt know a lot of things. I donโt know why the moon couldnโt have brought back some other stubborn idiot to be a part of his fancy group, donโt understand what he saw in me to have kept me alive all his time only to choose me as this guardian. Above all else, I donโt know how long Iโll be able to remember when the erosion of time is inevitable. But even though there is little else left of the boy who died that day, I know that I would endure everything Iโve gone through at this point tenfold if it meant to keep my sister safe. So Iโll continue carrying this moment, and every other moment behind and ahead of me, even if both directions are dauntingly endless. Let me remember this. Let me continue to remember you.
But then, I wonderโฆ for youโmortal, frail and fleetingโhow long can you hold me in your memory?





